Back to work

Well, been back for a couple of days now and I have to say I am still (after 18 years) not a fan of ending summer holidays with a return to school. Over the last couple of weeks of the holidays I was becoming more and more convinced that I shouldn't be a teacher. I put this down to the traditional worry about the exam results etc but that idea hasn't gone away completely yet. It's 18 years since I started teaching and other than a small break in 2008, it has been almost continuous. I like to kid myself that I ran away from some ministry role to become a teacher but I don't think that it true. I certainly didn't ever aspire to be a teacher. Still, what else can you do with a degree in history? That was my approach. Now, the interesting thing here is how much God has blessed my life as a teacher. It has allowed me to meet people who have had a massive impact on my life. Colleagues, friends, pupils and parents. God has taught me that no matter what I do with my career he is there to support me. I remember when I had to leave teaching briefly (some difficult circumstances made me want to get out of a job I wasn't doing well at all in that place) finding it increasingly difficult to see where I should go. I felt like I was singing the clash song, 'Should I stay or Should I go' it was that difficult to decide to resign or not. In the end, there was a clear message from God that I just needed to make a decision and He would support me in it. I did and he did. The thing is, I really get a feeling that he wants me to become more than this. I think there is a call to more full time service for God. What form though? It clearly isn't youth ministry (which I rather foolishly thought it was back in the late noughties). Pastorship? Dunno. Ordination? Again, I dunno. Maybe it is a call to more personal commitment. God knows (literally) that there are certain sins I am constantly struggling with and maybe I need to focus on them for a while and see where I end up.